The maid of honor just puked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need water and some morals
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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