Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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