I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
