i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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