and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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