the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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