Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
