If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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