i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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