Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
