So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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