My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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