Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
