it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize