You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
they need to just BURY HIM!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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