this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
