shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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