before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
