we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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