So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
