You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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