she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
