end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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