just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
