I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
