Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
