She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
