the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
