Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
