why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
