dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
