Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
