what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize