You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.