What did we do last night that was yellow?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.