I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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