Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..