i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.