Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
