As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
