his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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