I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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