I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
