oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
