he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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