Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
