He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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