i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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