Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
