Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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