All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
