not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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