At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
