He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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