apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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