I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
