Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
