At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize