Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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