Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
