Already got asked if we're dating
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
