my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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