she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
