lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
