that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
