dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
