my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
