I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
